The moment my daughter was born, I was transformed. I have been through many transformations in my life, but the one where I entered motherhood stands out as the best one. The minute I knew I was pregnant, I felt the transformation. I felt all the fear that I had been battling within my life with certain methods had dissipated. I did not want to live a life that ran away at all from who I wanted to be, ever.
I had already worked out in theory the kind of woman that I wanted to be, but when my daughter was on her way, I knew that person needed to come out of theory and be implemented and not just in phases, but at once. So I transformed. My caterpillar being went into a cocoon and I came out as an upgraded version of myself. My personality did not change, but my perspective and the way that developed parts of myself absolutely did.
There were times during my pregnancy that I spent hours feeling the vast love and forgiveness that I had for myself and those around me that I just stayed in bed or sat quietly watching TV. Any heartbreak or angst I had felt before just washed through me.
At the time, I had been writing poems and I just felt like poems weren't doing the feelings I had justice. Spiritually, I felt transformed into a being of immense light. I felt humbled that the universe wanted me to be a guardian and a protector of another being and even more humbled that my daughter, who I was having vivid dreams and conversations with while she was in my womb, had chosen me. So, I started just painting. Painting how I felt. Painting the immense colors that I could feel around me that hugged me with their light.
Then I had her. And everything changed. I didn't want any space for distraction. I needed to stay focused and present not only with my daughter, who was growing quickly. Feeding her, taking care of her, and making sure the decisions I made impacted our family in the best way. I had no time or space for distractions. It was time to explore discipline. It was time to explore molding my life into a stable and harmonized lifestyle.
Throughout this period, I made some mistakes, but the focus that I had and the passion I had around living the life I wanted was so intense that no one could stop me. I was only giving myself and my child freedom. Freedom of expression. Freedom in Routine. Freedom and Harmony. Balance.
I had someone to protect. I had love to spread and share. I wanted to build things. Be the architect of my own life. Not only for my daughter, but myself.
So I implemented a question, How and in what way, Can I look within and inspire myself the most? In what way, do I think that my highest potential can be inspiring? A weird question to answer right? We always tend to look outside ourselves for inspiration. Comparing ourselves to others or seeing work done outside of us. But what about inside us? The more I thought about it, the more I knew that this mindset would help me inspire my daughter to gain her confidence and be the architect of her own life. We don't need inspiration from anyone but our own wings.
And this mental mindset changed how I was as an artist. I didn't have time for just whimsically writing poems or creating paintings about every single thing that inspired me because well, inspiration is everywhere. We are all artists in our own way.
I wanted to know a deeper more intimate relationship with what inspires me and who I am on the inside and how that inspires me. So I developed it. I developed a relationship with my creativity that left space for the inspiration that I already contain within.
And I wouldn't of gotten here with this art life without the spark from my daughter and the move into motherhood. Where I stopped floating and started building.
It's the most inspiring journey I have and will ever be on.